Now what?

Soooo, it's been a while.. Sorry about that.

A lot has happened since I last wrote.

I had originally started this blog when things weren't going so well and I needed to create somewhere to think positively. Positivity is contagious after all.

In two years, I started a new job, travelled, spent time with my family,(including welcoming two wee nieces!), and spent time enjoying life with my husband. So far, so grateful.

Living it large at the Berlin Zoo

But despite all that I've done in two years, it got me thinking. Even with all the wonderful things that have happened, there was a voice in the back of my head saying "Now what? What's next?". Instead of just being able to enjoy the moment, I was pushing myself to go looking for more, bigger and better things etc.,

So why is that voice even there? Why can't I enjoy the moment for what it is? Is it a first born thing? An overactive drive to succeed? Or does everyone have one?

Once I realised I was doing this, I knew that I needed to live more in the moment. To enjoy the little things. To take or make an extra moment. To take a deep breath and take in my surroundings. I gained more joy when I made the time to just live in the now. On my days off I make the effort to get off the couch and go outside, even it's just a quick jaunt into town, I do it. And it feels good. When I'm outside, I try to go to a park or to where there's water and I just sit and watch the world go by. Sometimes it can be wonderfully relaxing to simply do nothing, just for a little while.

There's still that voice in the back of my head that shrieks "Now what?" but I've learned to muffle it. Instead of putting stress on myself, I'm taking the time to smell the roses. And it's good.

Time

For the last few weeks I've been thinking a lot about time.

It doesn't seem like that long ago since I was living at home with my parents where my biggest decision was what colour to paint my bedroom wall. Just tonight Mr. Ree and I watched a movie which was made in 1998. In my mind that's not long ago. It's 15 years. FIFTEEN! I don't think my brain accepts that the noughties happened, instead it adopts the mentality of 1,2, skip a few, 99, 100!

My 'little' sister recently turned 21. Yet in my mind's eye, I still see her as a child who would begrudgingly watch Scooby Doo with me each morning, emerging from the foot of her duvet before announcing that the only new character was the ghost, ghoul or general baddy of the episode. As most kids do, we used to put on shows which our parents were made sit through and run around in our non-slip socks*. Yet the years have passed and she's now a grown up, with responsibilities and a bank account!

*Which begs the question, are there non-slip socks for adults? Grown ups can slip too yknow!

Safety first kids, with style!

As time passes I see friends getting married, having children and traveling around the world. But there is nothing that defines time passing more than when you see a kid you used to babysit getting a pint in the local pub. Whilst trying to maintain a cool demeanor, all you can think of is "I used to read you bedtime stories!"

With regard to timing, I often wonder about the 'Sliding Doors' scenario and think about how my life would have turned out if I had made different choices. Nothing major, but if I hadn't lived on campus during my first year in University, if I hadn't got the results I did in the Leaving Cert, if I had done a Gap year etc. If any of those variables were to change, chances are I wouldn't have met the man I'm going to marry in a mere four months (Eek!) Nor would I have the same network of friends, traveled to the countries I have or have the same memories and experiences.

One can't talk about time passing and timing without the notion of aging creeping into the discussion. It's an area I based my dissertation on as it's something that, as a woman, is discussed ad nauseum in so many different magazines, TV shows, films etc. There are so many lotions and potions that are supposed to hold back the sands of time, chemicals to inject into our faces to paralyse wrinkles and copious amounts of surgeries to pull the skin taut to maintain a more youthful appearance. But let's cut through the crap and deal with the issue of aging.

It happens. You are aging right now.

But let's scale back. Since when is aging necessarily a bad thing?

Aging is a natural biological progression. Aging is a sign that we have lived. Our bodies are vessels in which we are supposed to sail through life in. Surely it's only natural to get a bit of wear and tear as time passes. So for every stretchmark, scar, wrinkle and everything in between, live life to the full in your body. Embrace the aging process and get as much mileage out of your body as possible!